Entries for April, 2004

Frustrateddd.

7:20pm
My eyes were wet. I shed a few tears. My mind was churning... churning.

-----backtrack-----

5:30pm
I was happily eating egg pie and watching television. It was the first time I did that (oh the luxury of free time) since last year, when my hospital duty started. I was letting time pass, band practice was set at 7:30pm. The persistent ringing of my phone took me out of my coach-potato state. It was a choir-mate.

“Nasan ka?”
“Nasa bahay.”
“Punta ka dito. NOW.”
“Bakit?” (and this I spoke with a voice FULL of confusion)
“May practice.”

Have I mentioned that I do not take being TOLD what to do well? A request, I will gladly do. But a command? It rings in my ears like a siren. (although I will still do it, but with great irritation) So what he said to me did not sit well. Add to that the fact that I had absolutely NO IDEA that there was a practice (I later learned it was at 5). He kept insisting that EVERYONE was told about it last Sunday. I honestly did not hear anything about it. He said that maybe my mind was off wandering somewhere. (what the --!)

To make the story short, I did not go there immediately. I had to cancel the band practice. It’s Holy Week. Of course the choir should have more weight at a time like this! Then I had to wait for this messenger who was supposed to deliver something to my grandfather. I got to the gate of the venue at 7. There were people outside. It was my friend, her sister and a tita. This friend of mine was sort of like the head of the choir. She just looked at me. Practice was over. They were on their way home. What else could I do? I just went home.

I hate being seen as irresponsible. I value my duties and the responsibilities given to me. I hate that I let down people. (although I really didn’t because I freakin’ didn’t know!)

I admit. I am hard on myself. Grrr! I am so frustrated right now! And I can’t do anything about it. I know I’m supposed to apologize but my mind says what for? I DIDN’T KNOWWW!!! Should I apologize for something I didn’t do?

And does this mean I’m triply sinful because I missed the choir practice and it’s Holy Week?

My head hurts.


Just a note: I am Catholic.

4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 02:05 AM

To Each His Own

Corset, anyone?

When I saw it, I wondered how they did it, but didn't mind it that much. But when I saw THIS, my sleepy eyes suddenly opened wide. I felt the corner of my mouth go up... in utter distaste.

I can tolerate ear piercings, and those on the bellybutton. I'm quite wary when it comes to the ones on the eyebrows and on the tongue. But THIS makes it to the top of my never-want-to-see-on-someone-I-know list.

Sheesh.

Michael Jackson's Thriller (ha!) 2 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 11:14 PM

Yet Again

(I’m sure this is not the only entry you’ll be reading about The Passion of the Christ.)

I watched the movie this afternoon. I was armed with a handkerchief, and a pack of tissues. I expected myself to cry. I cry when I am touched and, well, I am easily touched.

This movie did not just touch me… it moved me.

I found myself watching the corner of the screen while Jesus was being scourged. It was too much to take for me. The elation that the soldiers felt while they were causing another person’s suffering was something I could not stomach. (and to think that we all could place ourselves in those soldiers' shoes.)

Every time Mary was shown, I would look up. (this was so my tears would well up in my eyes and not fall to my shirt) I could imagine the pain that she was feeling… She didn’t even lay a hand on her son, and here were these people hitting him, kicking him, stoning him, whipping him… I admired her strength.

Many thoughts went through my mind while I was watching the movie. It definitely would make a person reflect. Halfway through it I had this urge to do volunteer work. My desire to get a tattoo and another ear piercing were suddenly curbed. (Hmm… will the desire come back? I don’t know.) I promised myself to go back to the Philippine Children’s Medical Center to voluntarily donate blood for a third time. I wanted to do good! I wanted to be one less burden for Jesus. Sigh.
_________________________
A Good Deed

I was on my way to the Easter Vigil Mass. To get to Church, I only had to walk for around three blocks. As I was on my way there, I saw a girl standing at the side of the road. When I was about to pass her, she suddenly talked to me. (You should have seen my face when she did.) She smiled when she saw my reaction and said that she only wanted to ask for directions. It turned out that she was lost and had to get to Delta. (Yes, I live in QC.) You could hear in her voice that she was getting desperate already, and that much she admitted to me. She only had her phone with her. She even showed to me the message that said where she was supposed to go. I gave her the directions, and when it seemed like she didn’t listen so much, I gave them to her again. I could understand what her nerves were doing to her then.

It made me feel good. I helped someone!

She said her thanks, and went on her way. I went on mine, too. I was smiling afterwards. I do remember wishing I’d gotten her phone number so I could call her up (this is true, believe me!) and ask if she’d gotten to Delta already.

I felt good.

LET’S ALL DO A GOOD DEED!

Hehehe.

Easy Going Crosswords Josh Groban's Alejate 4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:53 AM

The Weight On My Shoulders

Review classes for the Board Exam started today. The atmosphere was pretty laid back. We took three pre-tests, the results of which we would be comparing to post-review test scores.

The room was silent, save for the shuffling of papers and of feet, and the occasional snickering.

The professor broke the silence and chose odd moments to talk about her Board Exam experience. (She took it only two years ago.) She shared with us that she did everything that could possibly help her with the Exam. She followed a strict study schedule (e.g. 2-5pm – Hematology, 7-10pm – Microbiology), she said novenas to St. Jude, she would place notes she needed to memorize under her pillow and read them before she went to sleep, she drank Ginko biloba, Lipovitan, and coffee, of course, during the time she was reviewing. She religiously read the Medical Technologist’s *bible (whereas we fresh graduates have only read around two to three chapters of it).

I know the Board Exam is important. I know I need to pass it to get a license, but the amount of studying needed in order to do so only struck me this morning, when the professor was telling us about her ordeals. Maybe she was sharing her stories for a purpose… for us to REALLY realize that this wasn’t something we were to take lightly.

And realize I did. Goodbye childhood. Goodbye to the license to goof up.

I’m getting older.


*The Medical Technologist's bible
________________________

Urbandub Update

For those who don’t know, Urbandub is a pinoy band, based in Cebu. And they rock! They get airplay on NU107. If you do get the chance, and if somehow you come across a song of theirs, listen. You will not be disappointed. Their music is classified as rock, but their lyrics are sweet. Hehe. (e.g. I like the way you feel right)

This is for Gee and Iggy, and other U-dub listeners who heard of what happened to John, their guitarist.

In urbandub_music@yahoogroups.com, "dinopol_john" wrote:

I just read all of the messages posted for me. I'm deeply touched that they gave me gooseflesh. I almost cried reading all of them. Honestly, right now, I don't know what to say but my deepest gratitude for the endless support. Your faith in me and urbandub, as well, is my strength. Right now, I feel bad about summerslam 4 coz I can never make it there. I need to take my back-aching rest, my constant visit to the surgeon/ortho and my scheduled medication for recovery. I can still move my fingers (thank God!), though my stainless rods are visually scary. I don't know how long therapy should be but I'm hoping for the best. To all of you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! we'll keep in touch and urbandub can't wait to play for you guys, AGAIN... God bless us!!! THANKS...

john(u-dub guitars)

Reader's Digest ABCs of the human Mind 6 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 06:56 PM

Back in STC

I was reunited with something with from my past yesterday. All the memories came flooding back. It was like, I was there again. Back in those hallways, taking step by precious step, looking around, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Each face I saw was familiar. Each place I went to, I was welcome in. I was back in STC.

The time: lunch breaks
The thing that made me remember: CHOKI-CHOKI!!!!!!

Mmm! For a time back in high school, it was all we ate for lunch! (And thank God for that phase! I lost weight because of that.) Well, Choki-Choki and Frizzy were the on the top of our list. Then come those small chocolate chip cookies that cost us P6, and the oatmeal bars (P10). These were partnered with those Magnolia juice drinks (P12) because STC did not sell softdrinks to us. Plus my all-time favorite: Kiko calamansi juice! (na may yelo-yelo pa pag binili mo!)

I miss my high school days. Things were so UNcomplicated then.

I miss choki-choki. Someone give me some! hehe.

____________________________

SING AND SING WELL!

as heard while hanging out outside an irish club in vegas (sing
to the tune of The Sound of Music's Do-Re-Mi):

Dough is what I spend for beer
Ray, the guy who pours the beer (hey Ray!)
Me, the guy who drinks the beer
Far, the distance to the bar
So I think I'll have a beer
La-la-lots and lots of beer
Tea? No thanks I'll have a beer
That will bring us back to dough...

(repeat until everyone passes out)

The Mutton Heads' Don't Fear the Reaper 15 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 08:54 PM

Dual

keep that hand in your pocket
and your glance to the ground
stop.
do.
not.
speak.

I need to sleep.

Give me rest.


(A cry. A plea.)


for too long
i've trudged along this path
with my own steps to guide my own way

I am tired of it.

Give me rest.

Helen's Drowning In Despair 6 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 01:50 AM

Noises at Midnight

Her eyes were wide. She’d been hearing heavy footsteps on the roof for the last half hour. Each thud she heard chipped away at her resolve, rendering her fearful. Paranoid.

She heard her daughter come home, and upon laying eyes on her, aired her fears. She was praying for assurance, and thanking God she wasn’t alone in the house anymore.

Then…

They both heard them. Heavy footsteps amidst the loud barking of the dogs. There was a silent exchange between the mother and daughter. The flight of stairs was climbed, various windows were looked out through. Curtains were drawn, locks were bolted.

Their haven was in danger.

Minutes passed, the unease growing. The mother took her place above. The daughter took her place below. Both were afraid. The dogs never stopped barking at a dark corner of the house. Their angry stares fixed at something on the roof.

It was too much. The daughter, fear gnawing at her nerves, finally went out to see what the dogs were seeing.

She stood there. Her eyes adjusting to the darkness. And then she saw.

Their two kittens, marooned on the roof, giving her frightened stares of their own.

Their eyes were wide.

__________________________________

I know, my tenses aren't consistent and I mixed formal with informal language. It's a sorry attempt at creativity. I’m too sleepy to care.

Tonic's Sugar 13 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 02:04 AM



This is a favorite post.

Phffaat.

I feel fat. Blame it on all the people blessed with amazing metabolism and great genes. Blame it on all those thin-as-bones models walking funny on runways. I’ve always had this thing about my weight. I easily get flustered when someone tells me, "Tumaba ka, Jill." We all have our hang-ups. One of mine is my weight. BUT don’t get me wrong! I am not obsessed about it. Hehe.

I was a little chubby when I was younger and I was born (unfortunately) with naturally chubby cheeks. I remember this one time when I was nine years old. There was a play for our community. I had to wear a huge cardboard star with a hole to fit my face. I didn’t want to, but since I was an obedient child, I did. When I held it up to my face, this nineteen year old guy pointed at me and laughed hysterically. IMAGINE HOW I FELT! If I could have melted into the floor, I would have. I KNEW I was chubby then, but this guy only made me feel worse about myself.

Another time, I was in fourth grade and I was with my friends during recess. We were making a fuss over a kitten stuck in a gutter. A curious second-grader went up to us to see what was meowing. When she saw me she said, “Bakit ang taba mo?” Whoa. Talk about bluntness. Being a child, I was not yet armed with witty comebacks. All I could say was, “Ano ngayon? Love naman ako ni God!” This I said with all the dignity I could muster.

I am really thankful that I was able to lose all that weight. Who can blame me for being hung up on it? I NEVER want to hear someone calling me fat ever again. I’ve suffered enough.

________________________________

My lolo loves me. He’s so cute! When he got wind of the fact that I wanted taho one day, he bought me one from the mangtataho who passed by our house. He kept buying taho every day after that. He only stopped when he noticed that the glasses with taho were ending up in the fridge. Then last week I went with him to buy Chowking halo-halo. There’s nothing like halo-halo on a really hot day! Anyway, true to form, he bought halo-halo (the normal one, without the ice cream) every other day since that time. One night he saw me having just bread and ulam for dinner. He asked me, “Hindi ka ba magkakanin?” I said no. The day after I saw that the halo-halo waiting for me had two scoops of ice cream! He must have thought I was starving myself or something. Haha! I had to ask him this morning to stop buying halo-halo for me. “Tumataba kasi ako eh!” To which he answered, “Ay, ganon ba? Sorry!” with a sheepish smile on his face. Aww, I love my lolo.

Bjork's Bachelorette 15 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 08:35 PM

Chi's Day!!!

Happy birthday CHI!!!!

(everyone go visit twistedxfactor's site!)

Off you go!

1 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 02:09 AM

Calling All Indie Bands

I found this posted in some (Yes, some. It was posted many times.) of the mailing lists I am subsribed to. Hehe. Read on if you're interested.

--- In subsandwich@yahoogroups.com, Monica Francesca Tobias wrote:

hey guys!

i need your help, Monster Radio RX93.1 will be coming up with something big for all the indie acts out there.. we're hoping to have them put on regular rotation on our playlist..but before we can do that, i need to gather material on the indie artists - (bands, r n b, solo.)

so if you are part of a band or a solo indie artist and you have a cd out already, either full album or ep, and you're interested in joining rx's indie campaign.. =) please send me your bio on the band, plus a cd copy of your music.. =)

please address it to me..
Francesca Tobias/ airstaff
Strata 2000 17/F Emerald ave.
Ortigas Center

if you want, you can also drop it off during my boardwork, mon, wed, fri ( 7-10pm) tues, thursday (6-9pm) saturday (6-10pm)

ayt? oh!! and this is not like band breakout, it's not a competition, it's all about airplay over rx.. =) and plugging of your shows, and info on where listeners can get a copy of your album..etc.. and hopefully if i push it some more, at least once a month we'll have an indie artist guest on the rx concert series.

i actually have a whole lot of numbers from vin already, he helped me out, but i'm sure this will reach a whole lot of people, so please spread the word.. paki forward lang to other mailing lists.. =)

ayuz!.. thanks guys.. hope to hear from you
soon!!

francesca

Wolfgang's Acoustica album 21 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:32 AM

The function of music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought. - Sir Thomas Beecham

Sock it to me.

unbeknownst | 11:17 AM

Tomato Tale

Breakfast last Saturday morning was typical Pinoy fare: rice, fried tawilis, eggs, and sliced tomatoes. After eating, (this was at around 10am already) the leftovers were left on the table (covered, of course) for anyone who wanted them.

Some hours later:

Lunch time. We sat around the table again. The food cover over that morning’s breakfast was lifted. Ooh, a sight to see.

The tomatoes turned blue.

I wish I had a digital camera or a high-tech phone so I could have shown what they looked like. They didn’t turn completely blue, but the edges and some parts of them did. If you saw them, you’d be queasy, too.

[My mom told me that a lot of tinderas at the market would inject formalin (Yes, FORMALIN!) into tomatoes so they would last longer. (Less wastage, more profit.) Wow, if the tomatoes we ate did have formalin in them, then my intestines would be preserved by now. Cool.]

Hear the sarcasm?

__________________________

Notes:

Formalin - Toxic by ingestion due to the methanol inhibitor. Formaldehyde is a known carcinogen.

Chronic Effects: Repeated ingestion of small quantities may cause gastrointestinal irritation, visual impairment and blindness and other systemic effects. Repeated exposure increases the cancer risk, and can also lead to conjunctivitis, dermatitis, metabolic acidosis, second degree burns, numbness, a persistent itching rash, headaches, stomach aches, serious respiratory impairment, kidney injury and pulmonary sensitization.

lifted from: http://www.tedpella.com/msds_html/18510msd.htm

__________________________

Blah, blah. I know. I only ate a few slices of those tomatoes... but it should make one think.

THE MedTech's bible Wolfgang's Revenge of the Killer Falafel 4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 11:33 PM

Lost Memories

I finally saw the pictures we took on my graduation. (It took us that long to have them developed.) Out of all the pictures I took that day, guess how many I held in my hand?

Five.

A once in a lifetime experience. Frozen in time by five pictures.

---Backtrack---

My mom was washing the dishes. I was putting away the groceries. We were talking.



Mom: "Sira na yung camera. Dapat ipapadevelop naming yung film kanina e. Nung binuksan ko yung camera, hindi pa nakaikot yung film."

Me: "Eh mommy, ni-rewind mo ba yung film bago mo binuksan?"

Mom: (a second of silence) "Ay, hindi. I forgot. Sorry."

Me: "Hmm, ok lang."


I said that last line so my mom wouldn’t feel so bad. I was sure she already did.

Sigh.

Five pictures. But what the hell, they’re only pictures.

Rabor's Clinical Chemistry 18 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:14 PM

Wordless

You scratch at walls
Clamber to your place
Try to fit in this maze
Of lies, of truths
And of woebegones.

Stand out.
Be The One among the rest.

Searching, searching
For the meaning of it all

You pass through
The crypts of their minds,
The windows of their souls
Bound by each minute
Spent in their presence

Stand out.
Apart from the dark crowd.

Finding, finding
No reason to stay.

__________________________

Smooth. Sweet. The horizon was stretching its arms out to me as I laid on my back. Hands at sides.

Reluctance is what you would call it.

The morning was soft and dewy. The air smelled of hope. The wind whispered of trust. Its caress on my face was something I did not want to stop. I could hear my pounding heart over the rush of my blood. Fear was not the reason. Contentedness was. Yet my arms felt like lead. A ship’s anchor weighing me down, keeping me in place.

Do not stray. You will not leave.

10 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:32 AM

Shameless Plug!

SUNDAY GRABE SUNDAY*MAY 2ND*MAYRIC'S, ESPANA*9PM

*MARTY McFLY
*SUNDOWN MUSE
*7FT JR
*HELEN
*THE PIN-UP GIRLS

_________________________

Now with that out of the way:

The Unexpected Five Peso Change

I bought an internet card yesterday morning. When I paid for it, the lady said, “Sandali lang, Miss, may sukli ka pa.” She handed me P5. I asked her why. She said, “P95 na lang para sa’yo.” Hehe! I was touched. I always buy from that little pharmacy. I guess she remembers my face already. I know that in some places, you can buy the P100 card for P90, but her act of kindness touched me. Hehe!

Harang's Dark Circles 3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 07:33 PM

Showbands II

Yet again... - to better understand why, refer to this.

My bandmates and I went to the 24-hour Mister Donut Greenhills branch, seeking relief and a sugar fix. When we got there, there was a tiangge at the parking lot, which, according to the Nicaffeinoholic, was not unusual. There was a band playing. Yup, you guessed it - a showband. Two things:

1. The sound was not that good. The guitar sounded a little shrill. Greenhills should have had a techie there.
2. There were three vocalists, 2 girls and a guy. The guy was... well... let's just say he had a voice comparable to that of a mouse. Squeaky. (No! I'm not being bad!) He was making his voice sound that way on purpose, so he could sing Perfect (Hey dad look at me...) And with that voice he sang Aerosmith's I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.

The band played all covers, ranging from (light) rock to R&B to dancey tunes. Hayyyyy.

I have to remind myself: To each his own.

Maroon Five's Secret 3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 02:24 AM