Entries for June, 2004

My Dad, Agamemnon

I watched Troy two times. Both times I was struck by how Agamemnon reminded me of my father.

It was the way he talked about power, and more power. That was how it was with my dad, always a power trip. A slight nudge on his ego and he’d get riled up. He’d pick fights with anyone, even waiters who don’t serve the food efficiently. I used to take a few steps away from him when he’d get into one of those moods. I didn’t want people to see that I was the daughter of that irritable, and often annoying man.

It was the way Agamemnon sat on his throne: slouched, with his paunchy stomach the epitome of laziness. My dad had his own ‘throne’ in the house. It was this seat in front of the television, with long armrests where you could put your feet up. He’d sit there when he got home every night, watching television until it was time for dinner, and again until it was time to sleep. From there he asked us to do this, do that for him. A king, indeed.

It was the look in Agamemnon’s eyes, the sneer and the pride you could read on his face. My dad had this arrogant look down pat. He would look at you with it, and make you feel stupid.

I remember my mom telling me that although my dad had his imperfections, and more than his share of laziness, she was thankful that he was faithful. One night, however, she found out that there was nothing to be thankful for anymore.

He was cheating on her.

They were riding in the car, he and my mom. She has always been soft-spoken and rational. When she found out about it (apparently stumbling upon text messages on my dad’s phone), she opened the window and threw my dad’s phone out from the moving vehicle. That was how mad she was.

When they reached the house, all three of us children were there. I can’t exactly remember how things went. Everything was a blur that night. I do remember my mom, having had her say, remaining quiet and calm. My two brothers and I were doing the talking for her. I guess she was already spent. We ganged up on him. As bad as that sounds, it was what we did. We were the ones who asked him to leave.

It was my chance to tell him what I thought of him. I chose my words carefully. I chose those words that would hurt him the most. I knew that of his three children, I was the one he favored. I could inflict pain on him in a way that my brothers could not.

So I did.

In a way, I regret what I said. In a way, I don’t. After all, I still love my dad. He was one of the two people who brought me into this world. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. My love for him, however, just borders on respect and obligation.

I didn’t invite him to my graduation, and that is one thing I regret. He sent me text messages, asking when it was. I told him but I didn’t ask him to come. I knew he’d be proud of me, but I guess I just felt he didn’t deserve to share that moment with me.

Over the past three years, I can count with my fingers the number of times we saw each other after what happened. I can’t say I miss him, because I honestly don’t. Life has been much easier and happier without him in my life, in our lives, for that matter. My mom said it was like a thorn plucked out of her side.

I wonder how Agamemnon was with his wife.


°°°°°°°°

Don't get me wrong. My dad did have his strong points. At the moment, though, I am in no mood to recall them. He was a decent father.

9 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 09:09 PM



This is a favorite post.

A Higher Purpose

As of 4:25pm today, I am officially 450 milliliters lighter.

I watched 450 milliliters of my blood flow from my arm, through a tube, and into a bag – so that I could help someone else live.

Dramatic? Yes. But it’s the truth.

Some people cringe at the sight of needles. Others faint at the sight of blood. I have heard so many people give all kinds of excuses to NOT donate their blood. My blood’s dirty, you wouldn’t want it or My blood’s the wrong kind or I’m scared of needles or some other lame-ass excuse. I’ve heard these excuses from the mouths of people all ages, from college age kids to middle aged adults. Without fail, I get irritated.

(I’m a Medical Technology graduate. I’ve experienced recruiting donors and actually getting their blood.)

It’s not as if I love having a needle pierce my skin. Believe me I hate getting hurt, but if it’s for a higher purpose (and I believe that saving a life IS a higher purpose) then I’d gladly bear the pain. I had the chance to work at the laboratory of the Philippine Children’s Medical Center for a year. My heart would go out to the patients – the children, the babies who depended on other people’s blood just so they could live.

Most people have so many misconceptions about blood donation. I’m guessing that you who are reading this are part of that majority. Let me get some things straightened out for you.

In blood donation, both the welfare of the PATIENT and the DONOR are considered. A physical exam is performed before donation by a doctor, and if the would-be donor is seen to be unfit, then he is not allowed to go through with it. I have witnessed potential blood donors who only learned of their high blood pressures and slow-beating hearts during that physical exam. I’ve also seen many donors who have been deferred for having cough and colds, for having drunk alcohol the night before, for having a tattoo or a piercing within the past year… There are many, many reasons for deferral that protect both the donor AND the patient.

I will admit that there is some pain, but pain that is bearable. What scares most people is the THOUGHT of the needle piercing the skin, and then actually seeing it happen. I have donated three times already and it IS quite unnerving to see the needle enter your arm. I still get nervous before each time. During the time that the blood is being given, however, there is little pain, or none at all.

A lot of people are concerned about the fainting or dizziness that comes after giving blood. Believe me, those who faint after giving blood are those who do not REST ENOUGH after they donate. (These people are usually male, the macho types who think they don’t need to follow the rules.) Tell me, isn’t it a bit stupid for a person to stand up immediately after losing 450 milliliters of blood? The body needs time to adjust to the loss. This is why it is strongly advised to rest for 15 minutes after the donation.

Blood donation can be done every after three months, after which time the blood has been fully replaced by the body.

This is just my little way of trying to convince more people to give blood. So if you’re still reading this, thank you. Thank you so much. Please, please try to donate. There are so many people who need blood out there. Should you have to wait for the time when YOU are one of those people? What if you were that person needing the blood? I’m sure you would be triply thankful for blood donors – those who give a part of themselves so you can live.

If you have any questions about blood donation, please, please feel free to leave me a comment.

Thank you.

21 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:45 PM

A Doggie Question

Do dogs ever get boogers?

Come on, I'm really wondering about this.

Terrie McMillan's Waiting to Exhale 23 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:23 PM

Jog Mode

Whew.

15 minute jog, two times around Greenhills.

Not bad for a first-timer.

Robert Ludlum's The Apocalypse Watch Helen's Drowning in Despair 10 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 11:52 PM

Liquor

There's a desk to my right. On it are bottles.

2 Baileys
1 Absolut Citron
1 Absolut Vodka
5 J&B Scoth Whiskies
2 Jose Cuervo Tequilas
2 Cointreau
1 Grand Marnier

Now who here says that my brother will leave one of the bottles for me?

...

Uh-huh. I thought so, too.


________________________

Main Entry: ar·ron·disse·ment
Pronunciation: &-'rän-d&-sm&nt, "ar-"On-(")dE-'smän
Function: noun
Etymology: French
1 : an administrative district of some large French cities
2 : the largest division of a French department

that Ludlum book I'm reading U2's In The Name Of Love 3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:57 AM

A David and Goliath Story Of Sorts

Last night was a first for her, for never before had she seen, much less come into contact with, something that large. Three years have passed since she first came into this world. She is now a full-grown adult – all of 16 inches, from the top of her head to the end of her body, tail not included.

It was a night of fear and apprehension for her.

A Shih Tzu and Japanese Chin mix met a purebred adult Rottweiler.

My dog, Cowie, the Oriental mix, met Isis, the gentle (and a bit overeager) giant.

(Cowie? Yes, Cowie. backtrack There were two puppies – one black and white, which I called Cow, and the other brown and white, which I called Chicken.)

I wish I had a camera with me so I could have taken pictures to show here. It was funny seeing the Isis practically begging to reach my dog. She must have thought it was a chew toy. Cowie is THAT small. Since Isis is well-trained, we commanded her to “sit!” and “down!” and “stay!”, then I’d would place my little dog at her back (only the hind feet – Cow avoided contact at all costs). Every time we placed my dog on her back, Isis would lift her head and try to smell my little dog, at which point I would slowly lift her back up. I was scared for her, too! One quick bite from Isis would mean farewell to my beloved dog. She could easily fit in Isis’s mouth. (Oh, Isis caught a cat the other day. She didn’t eat it or tear it apart. She got it in her mouth, lifted it in the air, then slammed it down back to the ground. She was apparently playing with it. Needless to say, the cat died.) You could just imagine how I felt while we were getting them acquainted.

I would love to say that as the evening progressed, Cow and Isis became friends. Unfortunately, miracles did not happen last night.

I wish there were some way to make them BE friends. Oh well.


_____

FETE DE LA MUSIQUE

It's on June 19, as those of you interested may already know. I lifted the schedule for the ROCK, JAZZ and BLUES stages from a mailing list. Click here to see. I'll be adding schedules of the other stages when I come across them.

still Ludlum's Apocalypse Watch Filter's Where Do We Go From Here 15 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:00 AM

Bumbling Fool

I've been trying to type something coherent here for the past five minutes. Five minutes for just one good first line. It seems I won't be able to think of one.

It's your fault.

You took all my words away. You read my thoughts and place them on paper as your own. You say everything I'm supposed to say. I'd sue you for your theft if I only had proof of your clairvoyance.

I'm not mad, though. You just... surprise me.

You surprise me in a good way - a very, very good way.

Maroon 5's Secret 20 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:56 AM



This is a favorite post.

Reborn

Finally, a new layout. After months of trying to figure out how html works, someone actually offered to do it for me!

The culprit: LYN!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

(tan-tanannnn! tan-tanannnn!) -horn music, if you please.

Hoy anong mahirap maging boss? Wahahaha!

_____

I started reading another Ludlum book. Oh no. I shouldn't have. I really have to study but once I have my hands on the book, I just can't seem to put it down. Tsk.

Robert Ludlum's The Scorpio Illusion that Bog song from last night 7 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 03:03 PM

Paranoia Kills

We’ve been friends and classmates for six years straight. We’d see each other almost every day. Did I get tired of our friendship? No. We were partners for our term paper in fourth year. It was about Schizophrenia. Going to the mental hospital in Mandaluyong and having some mentally ill people slowly ‘chase’ us was an experience I won’t likely forget. It was I who convinced her to take up Medical Technology for her pre-Med. I would place little placards saying, “Medtech! Medtech!” in front of her seat in class back in fourth year high school. I would include ‘our’ pre-Med courses in every conversation that we had. My convincing skills were good. We ended up classmates in college. We were together in almost every task that allowed us to choose our groupmates. When the last year of college came when we were to be assigned to different hospitals, she got herself assigned to mine. We were thesis-mates and classmates up until the April to May review classes for the Board Exam.

(And for those of you with overactive imaginations: Don’t get any silly ideas.)

I convinced her to take up Medtech because back then I was all set on going to Medical School. That was our agreement. I just exchanged messages with her. She mentioned that if I went straight to Med, we’d still be classmates.

That made me sad.

Do I regret my decision to take a rest? To finally get to relax? Hmm, I don’t think so.

I’m just… sad.

But.

In our last year of college I found myself not quite as trustful of her as I was before. She still mingled with a friend of mine. I didn’t know what to think. I’d have constant headaches trying to figure out if she was still worthy of my trust. People denied things. They never affirmed my suspicions. I still gave my friend the benefit of a doubt, though. With six years of friendship behind us, she certainly deserved it.

In a way, I’m not sad. Go figure. I guess it was time to say goodbye to our constant companionship. I’d see her in new clothes or with a new possession and I’d hate myself for wondering if someone bought it for her - that someone I knew. Believe me it’s hard second guessing everything that happens when I’m around her. Everything took a whole new meaning last year. Every time her phone would vibrate, I’d think she was texting with someone. Everytime 5 PM came and her phone rings, I’d think someone was going to fetch her from the hospital. (I’ve seen someone’s car in front of the hospital lobby with my own eyes more than once.) I couldn’t confront her about it. Those years of friendship had more weight on my conscience than my suspicions.

If there was a strain in our friendship, I was the one who caused it. I know.

Until now, I still don’t know what happened, or what MAY be happening between them.

She’s still my good friend, though.

Like I said, go figure.

A Perfect Circle's Three Libras 12 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 06:32 PM

Food, SATC, and Its Aftereffects

Carbohydates and sadness always seem to go together.

Out came the Snickers bars, Oat and honey granola bars, pistachios, a small Sugarhouse cake, and a medium sized cheesy-crust Supreme pizza well after midnight. To lessen the guilty feelings, the food was washed down with good ol’ healthy water.

It was a sleepover with two of my very best friends. I wasn’t sad, but their feelings were infectious. To make ourselves feel better, we had a Sex and the City Season 5 marathon. “Let’s see just how much we girls have in common with them,” my friend goes.

Friend 1 was Carrie, she being a writer with a keen fashion sense.

Friend 2 was Charlotte, she being optimistic and naïve.

I was Miranda.

Oh yes, I could see myself in her – no-nonsense, armed with a sharp tongue and very frank.

I deviate from my real subject.

During the marathon, my two friends fell into Rip Van Winkle’s world, while I proved myself to be the insomniac once more. I watched the last three and a half episodes by myself, after which I lay silent in the darkness, just thinking.

I don’t usually do that, but I guess when you near a significant day in your life, you can’t help but muse.

It was a silence I’d rather forget because it reminded me that I was sad.

Heh.

Things are looking up, though. Dinner was good tonight. Foccacia with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and garlic to dip it in. I guess carbohydrates do have some sort of comforting effect.

3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 11:02 PM

Just Another Day

It was good.

Refreshing, in fact.

I hope you come.

...

_____

My favorite greeting:

“Happy birthday! You turned 21, right? You can get jailed already, and if you abuse a 16-year old boy, it’ll be called statutory rape.”

Bamboo's Mr. Clay 8 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 09:20 AM

Nuncyspungen

BigSkyMind was a fun place to be in last night, at least for me.

The bands who played were Itchyworms, Helen, Narda, Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man, Nuncyspungen and Technicolor Dreamcoat.

It was my first time to hear Nuncyspungen play, and I think they’re worth giving a mention.

They hail from Cagayan de Oro City and they’re set to play at Fete later. If you like A Perfect Circle and Tool, you’ll definitely like them. I liked their music so much that I bought their CD after they played. Check them out later at Fete at the rock stage at around 1am.

Nuncyspungen's Drown 11 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 03:17 PM

Food vs Foods

Butch Dalisay’s article in yesterday’s Philippine Star dealt with linguistic legitimacy, which it was aptly titled. A reader wrote to him and asked about the correctness of the word FOODS. He asked Mr. Dalisay as to whether or not the use of the word was acceptable, being that so many people around him used the word. The author answered him by saying that he knew the reader’s pain when hearing such words, and others like machineries and equipments. “You get this creepy sensation that you must be wrong, since everyone around you is using the blasted word, and yet there’s this little gyroscope inside you insisting that, no, you’re standing perfectly straight, it’s the world around you that’s off it’s rocker.”

The word FOODS, however, is correct IN A SPECIFIC CONTEXT. It can be used when it refers to a kind of food (Note: It was used by the Del Monte Corporation to describe itself as “a manufacturer and marketer of processed foods”). The word food must still used when referring to the collective or generic concept of food itself as a basic biological need, or a form of material sustenance ingested and digested by the body.

I was reminded of this chat Steven and I had about how I didn’t like the phrase “add you up” when one could just stop after saying “add you”. He also mentioned how his Professor told them that the phrase “come up with” was incorrect, and that it should be just “come with”. I told him if I were a student in that Professor’s class, I wouldn’t believe him.

So there. I’m not a grammar buff, nor am I a student of languages. I do believe, however, that we all have this obligation to speak well, and speak right.

May I just add that the word STUFFS is only used as a VERB and not as a NOUN? There is no such thing as I love pink stuffs or we just talked about different stuffs.

(For the complete article of Mr. Butch Dalisay, please click here.)

7 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 11:11 PM

I Anticipate the Death of Me.

(Rambling 1)

I let the words fly over to his nook in the world.

Now I wait.

Dread + a hyperactive imagination + pessimism is not really a good combination.

Aaaahhhh!

I will surely die in the next few days.

Be a friend. Kill me now.

7 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 03:13 AM

Now Wait A Minute!

(Rambling 2)

How in the world did you guess?

You made like a dog and sniffed it in my system?

We haven't even seen each other since last week!

Are you psychic or something?

Wahh.

What'll you do if I admitted as much?

Will you get the ball rolling somehow?

Yeah right. Like that'll happen.

9 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 06:58 AM

Les Paul baby!

I spent my time going wherever different links would take me. I found the blog of someone I'm fond of. Aww. I just realized that there are SO MANY sites to blog in and SO MANY people who blog. Anyway I found a quiz on his site.

I like the result because Sam my honey looks like a Les Paul, minus the f-holes. (He isn't one but I don't care. He still sounds like a dream.)

Although if I were a PRS, that wouldn't be too bad.


Ah, The Les Paul. The classic Rock Star guitar.
You're curvaceous, you sound awesome,
you're made out of heavy ass material, but
doggone it, people like you!


Riddle Me This? Take the Electric Guitar Quiz!!
brought to you by Quizilla



Oh and I found yet another quiz. This is fun. Not bad for me - I don't really consider myself as a rawker.


Led Zeppelin


What Classic Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 11:34 PM

The Acid Test

Eating with a person is something intimate, and for me, those minutes spent at the table give me a glimpse into a person’s upbringing.

We started with a clean white plate, a fork, a knife, and a table napkin – standard issue at the restaurant. He ended up with bacon and green pepper on the table, and the napkin on the floor.

I have nothing against being hungry and wanting to satisfy that hunger – but to shove big pieces of pizza into the mouth, to spear the sliced pieces with the fork like they were going to move, to wind the stringy cheese on the piece instead of cutting it, to talk while giving someone else a glimpse of meat, cheese and crust being chewed to bits, to give the person within hearing range an idea how many times you chew before you swallow – it turns me off instantly.

Some finesse while eating, is that too much to ask?

So kill me.

Velvet Revolver's Slither 10 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:57 PM

Be Still.

Spurned by words
Mere words on your plate
Calm your fire.
It is nothing.

You hold the flame.

Me'shell NdegeOcello's Bitter album 2 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 02:12 PM