Entries for November, 2004

The Darker Side

[Note: The entry below contains quite a few of my opinions and a touch of randomness. I'm not looking for a fight, people.]

Goth music just isn't for me. I realized that yesterday. I can appreciate music of any kind but after a while the music gets tiring to listen to. I think there's too much sadness going on in one's life and it doesn't help at all if you indulge yourself in that kind of music.

Heh. The optimist in me is talking.

[Another note: This isn't an attack on goth music. Please read on.]

See, I don't believe that one should wallow in negative emotions and participate in negative affairs. What do you get from doing that, except for driving yourself crazy? I've seen more and more people gravitate towards things like the occult, death, depression, sadness, suicide, masochism and such. When I see that from people younger than me, I get the feeling that they do that because they think it's cool, and that it sets them apart -- gives them some sort of identity. When I see that from people older than me, I get the impression that they're searching for themselves -- trying to find meaning in their lives. What I can't understand is why they turn to the dark things to seek enlightenment. [There's a reason why the term is enlightenment.] When we feed our negative emotions with the things we read, the music we listen to, the shows we watch, we only succeed in strengthening those things that make us weak. Maybe some people feel that indulging themselves in anything closely related to death and evil makes them less afraid. What they don't realize is in doing so, they also INVOKE the evil.

Which brings me to seances and the use of the ouija board. (I'm just typing whatever comes to my mind.)

The people who participate in these things call to the spirits and talk to them. What they don't realize is that once they do that, they also invite them to stay. A lot of people aren't aware of the fact that spirits CAN and WILL attach themselves to people (or to things). They participate in things like these without actually knowing the effects of their actions. I feel bad for the those who think that they are just connecting with the spirits -- being one with them, not really understanding that the spirits they are being "one" with are of the darker kind.

Horoscopes, tarot cards, palm reading -- I'm against these things. Of course I know quite a number of people who like having their fortunes told. I respect that, but who really knows what the future holds anyway? Once we hear what's in store for us, will we all be bound to what was said? Can we not just live with the mystery of what tomorrow would bring?

I've come to the end of this train of thought. Whew. It's amazing how one thought can lead to so many others. [They're jumping around in my head like grasshoppers.]

...

I told you this had a touch of randomness.

Sock it to me.

unbeknownst | 05:49 PM

Fresh start. Fresh paint.

What better way to mark a new chapter of my life than by redecorating my room? I'm not talking about rearranging the furniture or buying new dust-collectors. I'm talking about a whole new look -- a new color and a few "new" pieces of furniture, and I shall be doing it all by myself. Hey, I've done it before (although technically I had some help then.) I'm excited about it. I'm looking forward to creating my music corner, where I shall be placing my amp (which will still be purchased. Heh.), my guitar, the keyboard, posters and notes about scales and techniques and anything and everything that will aid me in my journey towards guitar playing excellence (aherm). Yey!

I went to the hardware store a few hours ago to check out the prices of the things I'll be needing. Paint. Paint brushes. Caulk. Paint thinner. Paint stripper. I was there scouting the "goods" and was asking the salesperson if he knew where some of the things were. I asked him if their store carried matte-finish paint. He looked at me, not understanding. A few seconds after I realized he didn't know what matte meant. Sigh. Anyway I think he was a bit surprised that a girl was asking him about paint and paint paraphernalia. Ooohh.

Shai's If I Ever Fall in Love Again 5 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:39 AM

I thought of me.

tergiversation • ter-jiv-er-SAY-shun • noun
*1 : evasion of straightforward action or clear-cut statement : equivocation
2 : desertion of a cause, position, party, or faith

Example sentence:
The tergiversation of Ken's speech left his listeners confused about where he really stood on the issue.*

4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 01:07 AM

Rant some.

Two days ago I was able to use my medical technologist skills to prick people's fingers for three hours. Minimum wage for three hours of work? Not bad.

My contact said we'd meet at 7am. I'm not the most punctual person on earth. I got to the hospital ten minutes after seven. My contact arrived at five past EIGHT.

Nice.

When we got to the room where I was supposed to do the pricking, she handed me a plastic full of boxes of lancets and glucose reading strips. (A diabetes association was holding a blood sugar testing.) She just handed everything to me and didn't bother to help me set up things.

Fine.

A few minutes later I was busy pricking away while she was seated beside me with her compact out, checking whatever was wrong with her face. (Heh.)

I used up all the lancets in the box so I reached for a new one. When I got a new lancet out from the box, I felt some pain on my fingertip. Upon inspection, the lancet's cap was off.



(The caps don't come off that easily.) When I looked inside the box I opened, ALL the caps were off of ALL of the lancets. THEY WERE ALL USED. It was for disposal! And my contact, that irrrrresponsible medical representative, didn't even check if all the boxes she gave me were new!

Stu... st... stupendous!


_______________


Jill, a girl's name of Latin origin, means: Youthful; girl.

Denise, a girl's name of Greek/French origin, means: Wine; drama.

I concur that I am a youthful wine and a dramatic girl. Heh.

Visit the site if you have nothing to do. It's something to waste your time on.

9 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 02:40 AM

That speck of insignificance landed on the top of my head.

Seclusion souds appealing right now. I think it's what I need. I feel so put off by people in general.

I know we're all selfish up to certain points. I'm just wondering why some don't realize when they're being self-centered.

...

Bah.

4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 09:56 AM

Forbearance

If maybe for a while I'd stop and think less, I'd be better off.

I hate being irritable and quiet.

I picked up Sam a while ago, held him in my arms and tried to string together some notes that could express just how I feel. I tried singing some random lines along a melancholic melody -- but I couldn't come up with a song. Sadness is supposed to be a great creative source. How come I can't translate mine into something worth listening to?

Blahblah.

I've been thinking about the whys, the why nots and the how comes. Although it's tempting to wallow in self pity, I just can't seem to do that. That's a good thing, right? Life's been handing me a whole lot of nothing for the past two years. It's been good, though. My emotions have not reached high up into the heavens or deep into the recesses for quite a while now. They've just been floating along. (Aimlessly?)

I give up trying to see some significance in things just to make myself feel that I'm alive.

If you exist to bring me down, go to hell.

3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 07:28 PM

Those Nike Wristbands

This entry started out as a comment on Bruce's entry. Read it first. It comes with superb drawings.

When I first saw these come out I thought the idea was funny. Could someone please tell me why there is a NEED for a person to wear something that says BALLER? If you can play, why do you have to call attention to that fact? It's like tooting your own horn, so to speak. (cough) Nike was smart, though. They saw how people liked "setting themselves apart" and banked on that to sell silly stuff.


[Note: Please set me straight if I'm being an ignorant fool -- if there is a cause behind those baller bands, like that of the Live strong wristbands.]


I came up with this idea. If people were willing to wear those rubber things (cough) then they should produce wristbands that have other words on them, like POET or ARTIST or MUSICIAN or ACTOR. Better yet, why not produce wristbands that can serve was warning tags like IRRITABLE or DEPRESSED or PMS -- that way if everybody wore a tag, it would be so much easier to strike up a conversation with a person, or stay clear of one, for that matter.

14 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 08:42 PM



This is a favorite post.

Things are looking up.

Something happened.

Something good.

Hmm...

6 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 04:53 AM

Pettiness

Sigh. There are just some people who can't help but think of only themselves. Like I've been saying over and over in my blog, I pay attention to the little things. Not writing on a test booklet is SUCH a simple thing but there are still some people who go on and do otherwise.

Backtrack.

I had an onterview today, after which they asked us to take some tests. Imagine trying to decipher which image comes next in the series when there are so many scribbles ON TOP of the images. Sheesh. Try answering a question while seeing all the wrong answers written at the margin or on the choices themselves.

Sigh.

Question number 50. Yadda yadda yadda.

Please do not mark the alphabet.

Hey ho hey ho what did I see? Most of the letters were crossed out.

Ano ba. Couldn't they read what was on the very first page?

Please do not put marks on the questionnaire.

It's like that girl on The Amazing Race who filled their car's tank with gasoline when there was a big sticker with the word DIESEL on the tank cover.

8 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:55 PM

The Pink House

Our house has been getting a makeover for the past few weeks. We've been enduring the sound of saws and hammers and the sickening smell of paint.

Imagine my surprise, no, HORROR when I saw our kitchen painted pink. PINK! It wasn't a light matte pink. It was pinky pink. It was so happy and so bright and so... pink. Okay it would have worked but the trimmings and the accents were painted -- tantararannn -- dark pink.

It was my grandma's idea. Since it's her kitchen, I figured she can do whatever she wanted with it. Yesterday, though, I couldn't help myself.


(translated)
Me: It's so... bright!
Grandma: (pause) If it's so bright then wear sunglasses when you come in the kitchen! I've been asking all of you what color would be good but you haven't given any suggestions and now that I chose a color you complain?
(Note: She hasn't asked us for our suggestions.)
Me: I just said it was bright. Why are you getting all riled up?


That was yesterday. Today I came home to find our dining room painted -- tantararannnn -- light pink. LIGHT PINK! As if the pink kitchen weren't (bad) enough. If you still can't understand why I'm so horrified, let me just tell you that the paint used wasn't matte. Need I say more? I just had to stop the pink-ation of the house. (I thought only the kitchen would be getting a paint job.) I told my grandma that it would be so much nicer if the living room were spared of the color. I told her painting the all the walls of the house with just one color would be boring.

Y'see, my grandma hates admitting when she's wrong and she hates getting embarrassed. So after telling her my suggestions about the color she starts repeating MY suggestions to ME like it was HER idea. Sheeshhhhhhhhhh.

Argh!

I'm going to tell her later that there are other color schemes aside from monochromatic. Don't get me wrong. I like pink, but a pink house is just a bit too much for me. (And I think my two older BROTHERS wouldn't be so happy about that either!)

HELPPP we're being pink-ified!

7 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 05:45 PM

Caduceus

caduceus • kuh-DOO-see-us • noun
1 : a figure of a staff with two snakes wound around it and two wings at the top
2 : an insignia bearing a caduceus and symbolizing a physician

So that's what it's called. Heh.

...




Wha?!

8 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 06:03 PM

I'm a Letdown, thank you very much.

[Saturday, November 11]

"I'll see you there on the 19th at 7am."

"Sure," I said.


[Thursday, November 18]

"Okay, you know how to get there, right? I'll see you tomorrow before 8am."

"Okay. Tomorrow before 8."


[Today, November 19]

I got to the venue ten minutes before 8. As I walked closer to the building I saw that there was a long line of people outside it. I got flustered when, upon entering, I saw the medical representative (not this one) sitting behind a table, about to prick a patient. I heard someone say, "Just in time!" A girl whom I had previously worked with was there and while I was preparing the stuff I needed she told me, "You're late today" in a joking manner. I told her I thought it was at eight.

That ruined my mood completely.

I hate letting people down. Technically, in this case I didn't. I was told to arrive before 8, and I did. I still feel bad, though. I heard the health center head saying that there were more people in line before I came in. They left because they were hungry already and couldn't wait any longer. (Fasting Blood Sugar requires a 6 to 8 hour fast.) They missed out on the FREE sugar testing because I didn't get there earlier.

I feel like it's my fault. I could have helped more people.

Sayang.

Nakakainisssss.

And I'm sure there were people there who now think I'm unprofessional.

Great.

3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:21 PM

I am a Bum-No-More!

Yeh!

9 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 05:13 PM

Missed those

I missed them Capri menthols. Tsk.

Stay awayyy!

__________

Another MRT tale

Isn't it disconcerting to find yourself squashed between two complete strangers?

The other day I was too tired to go on my usual round trip on the MRT on my way home. I resigned myself to the fact that I needed to squish myself inside the train if I wanted to get home as soon as I could.

Train 1 went by. Too full.

Train 2. Same thing.

Train 3. By this time I was on the front of the line but I didn't get on the train. I couldn't! (I heard people behind me grumbling their complaints.)

Train 4. Even if I didn't want to get on it, I was pushed inside. What could I do? I stood (or more accurately, was held up) behind a guy whose butt was just too close to me. Yuck. Good thing I had a document envelope with me and I slid it between us. When we got to the Cubao station I was pushed and shoved to a different postion and found myself TUSH-TO-TUSH with a complete guy-stranger.

We all don't like unnecessary contact with strangers. I abhor it. Heh.

Maarte? Bah.

7 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 09:55 AM

A Full Night

Occupied

I'm a Bum-No-More! I know I already said that but this time it's official. Just this afternoon I was given my job description, was oriented about the company and its code of conduct. Hmm.

I was sitting in the cubicle of the HR person when the phone rang in the other cubicle. She excused herself and answered the phone. Being the keen person that I am I overheard her say:

"... the medtech... she's here right now... orientation... everything's in order... natutuwa ako sa kanya... can start tomorrow..."

Aww. I was touched (and pretty happy) when she said that. I liked the fact that I gave her that good an impression. Hehe.

__________

I just had to go somewhere after. My friend and I were supposed to go to Peligro but we weren't sure if the band we wanted to watch would be there. I was itching to do something, and was willing to spend some money. Heh. Phone call. Band mates. Dinner. Movie. Yey!

Food

Pesto. Mmm-mmm. Those of you who don't eat pesto are missing a lot. My friend ordered a waffle. It was too good to resist. I don't know what it was called but it was sort of an apple pie a la mode but it was a waffle instead. (Dju get that?) Ahhh... carbohydate heaven. Nothing beats it.

Movie

We watched National Treasure. If I consider the fact that it was a Disney movie, then I would have to say it was good. It was good but it wasn't great. Although I knew some of the stuff they were saying (from reading the Da Vinci Code), I just felt something was missing. Some more action maybe? Or more mystery? It was good though. I wouldn't say my money was wasted.

Bitin.

2 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 01:53 AM

Desperately Inadequate

I'm guilty. I watch The Newlyweds when I catch it on MTV. I find Jessica's intelligence amusing. I wonder how Nick saw past that. I have to admit, though, that Jessica sings wonderfully. I am amazed at the strength of her voice and wonder how she belts that powerfully. I respect her for that. She's very, very good. I guess somehow that's what keeps me watching. Her mind and her talent are so detached from each other and that leaves me baffled. Sigh.

Another singer I respect is Sarah Geronimo. Uh-huh. I saw her just a few hours ago on an ABS special and she sang better than all the other good (and older) singers on the show. I wonder how she sounded when she was 5 years old.


__________


I'm eating tooooooo much. Really. And I was once told that I ate like a bird. That was six years ago. Howwww did I do that? How did I feel full after eating a little scoop of rice and some ulam from a little bowl? [Really. I ate from a small bowl and used only a teaspoon to eat.] Pfft. I don't know if it's the weather or the impending gloom of the season (heh) or if I'm just sad. Hmm. Maybe I am sad. Maybe it's because I'm broke. Maybe I just need to start training already. Maybe I'm just... sad.

Bah humbug!


__________


So we find ourselves in this place. It's not like I willed myself to be here. I have some questions but I don't know if I want to know the answers or if there are any at all. I don't know why we're here and why things are like this. I want a clean slate, but that's impossible now.

Now, I'm just left wondering.

Again.

1 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 03:16 AM