Entries for May, 2005

Keep still.

I stepped into this land of haze, not knowing what to expect. It's a dream. Everything's a dream.

And when I'm in that state, hovering between sleeping and waking, we talk of fear. It might be enough to drive me away. Or not.


I'm so happy.


Maybe... so am I.

5 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 07:35 PM

Off-putting and then some

Watching Queer Eye for the Straight Girl --

I said the pregnant woman looked really pretty.

Mama misheard me. She made a pfffffffff sound and said what? You're wrong! It's so hard! When I was pregnant with your mom I blah blah blah blah...

What a downer.

And my mom was there in the room with us.



And then it goes --


No promises yet.


Okay. I can live with that. It's better that way. No expectations. But it made me feel sad. Just a little. Just a teeny bit.


Oh what the hell who am I kidding. I do expect something. Just a bit. Just a teeny bit.


This is what I hate about this. The smallest things trigger my dormant emotions.


Let's take the tiniest, babiest of steps until we move no more.



Oh!


On a less sordid note, I am now officially enrolled for the incoming schoolyear. This afternoon as I handed over the tuition money to the cashier and watched her count the bills, I felt weak-kneed. (Goodbye mommy's hard-earned money.) After getting my registration form the thought in my head was: This is it. No turning back now.


Yahoo! Yahoo?

music: U2, All I want is You. 2 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:25 PM

It'll come soon enough.

This is interesting: Anonymous secrets on anonymous postcards.


__________


How? How could it be that easy for you? In a span of a hundred million moments strung together by fate and doubt, you say it's the truth. You say everything with a sincerity that's both staggering and unnerving. I have questions that I'd rather not speak. The answers would be much too much. Words are words and... but are mere words. They flow like a river from your lips and die in fascination and in my ears.

I'll sail along.

Music: Pat Metheny. One Quiet Night. 10 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 08:22 PM

God help me.

I'm suffering from anxiety attacks. And paranoia attacks. My hair's starting to fall out again and I'm having stomach problems.


This is just great. Great, I tell you.


On one hand everything's good, but I cannot deny seeing the other side. Although it would be so much easier to choose to be blind, I can't. It's not in my nature.


So help me God.

4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 12:23 PM

Pull a fast one.

The rainy season's slowly but surely pushing summer out of the picture. AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TO A BEACH YET! Agh!


I want McDo fries. I want McDo fries. I want a caramel sundae. I want a caramel sundae! I'm craving. Isn't it obvious?

6 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 04:16 AM

Freaked!

I brought my Toneworks (name: AXie) to Yupangco yesterday afternoon. My complaint: a hissing sound. I felt really bad about leaving (him) there. It was his first time away from me. I told the technician to please take care of him. Last night, the tech texted me and said that everything was okay, and I could pick up the effects already. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing was wrong and told me to pick it up the next day at around 12:30P so he'd be the technician on duty. Uhh, okayyy. After a while he texts again. Get this: "Are you still up? Wala kasi magawa dito sa... (blahblahblah)."

Okayyyyyyy.

I didn't reply, of course.

This morning he texted again and asked if I could pick up my effects tomorrow afternoon instead of (supposed to be) this afternoon, because he had a "set-up". Wha?! I told him I wanted to get it in the afternoon because we had a rehearsal. And because he was acting strangely, I called up Yupangco to ask if AXie was good to go. The receptionist said it was ready for pick-up. Then the tech texted me again and said, "Ikaw talaga mam, tumawag ka pa sa company. Akala mo nagbibiro ako. Pero okay lang po yun..."

What the hell.

And it seemed that a person not replying wasn't a deterrent to him. He sent another message asking if I was to pick it up in the afternoon. "Sayang talaga bat kasi ako yung naatasan na magset-up dito."

I don't know where he got the idea that I was open to him texting me that way but he is so terribly wrong. He is thisclose to harrasment. Really.

Because I was unnerved and uncomfortable, I didn't get AXie this afternoon.

AND THEN he sent another message, just now, asking why I didn't get my effects. "Di po ba may rehearsal kayo?"

You are a TECHNICIAN. I am a CLIENT. Which part of that don't you understand?


I'll be reporting him to his superior tomorrow after I get my effects.

9 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 09:33 PM

Relief and something else

Some people have just a spanking sense of humor.


__________


That guy was sacked, if any of you care to know. I felt a little bad about it, but I was told that what he did was a ground for termination.


...


It felt good having someone else there with me. Feeling... protected... is something I'm not used to -- but I like it. For once I didn't have to have all my guards up. For once I breathed a little easier and knew for a fact that someone had my back.

I am thankful.

4 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 01:17 AM

Talk about random.

What is it with some people and testimonials? They ask for them like they're one of the most important things in the world. A friend whom I haven't seen or even talked to for more than four years (save for the occasional text) sent me a message saying tampo ako sa 'yo for not having been able to make her one yet.


Nge.


And we weren't exactly the closest of friends back then.


...



What is the best equivalent of TAMPO in English? I can't think of the right word for it.



__________


I'm taking a liking to the Nokia 6230i. I won't set my heart on it, though. Expectations may and can lead to disappointment. Hmm... however, I wouldn't mind getting a new Samsung.


Read: Greed is an enemy.



__________



I finally told my mom about someone's official existence in my life. It was good to not hear her say anything bad. She just has this annoying habit (?) of saying his name backwards every single time.


"Mom, you're saying that just to spite me, aren't you?"

"No." (with this guilty smile on her face)


Nice, Mom.


But anyway, I'm quite happy about how things are turning out. (I suddenly had this image of hung laundry moving with the breeze on a beautiful, bright morning and freshly ironed clothes. Comparable, maybe? Find the metaphors.) Prayer does have it's rewards. (Hey you, I hope you're praying too.)



__________


I'm loving my life! Let's go eat some Chippy!

3 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 10:25 PM

The Heebie-Jeebies

Madagascar had me giggling uncontrollably for the most part of the movie. I loved Andy Richter's littlest lemur character. He was soooo cute. Cute as in Boo-of-Monsters, Inc. cute. Or Puss-in-Boots-with-the-big-eyes cute.


Heeheehee!


But since (we) went in halfway through the movie, we had to sit through movie trailers in order to watch the parts we missed.


Alas! Why do Filipino movie trailers have to be SO LONGGGG? They last the whole of five minutes, after which you already know the storyline of the movie. It actually makes no sense to pay to watch it when you were already given a free "watch" courtesy of the trailer.


Hay. Those people from the film industry... they leave nothing to the imagination.


Heads up! Let us singgggg! I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! I like tuhhh... MOVE IT!

2 tweaked.

unbeknownst | 08:50 PM